Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Should I Stay or Should I Go?


This past week has been a confusing mess of different ideas of how I should proceed now in where to live and work, always with the persistent feeling that the choices I make now will effect the next few years of my life. Though this may be true, that is quite a lot of pressure to put on what ends up being a single decision!

Often I think of my life and the years before me as a sort of blank canvas, and as the artist, I can choose exactly what goes on it- which means that I have the power to make myself into exactly the kind of person I want to be. And although in many ways this sort of thought process is very empowering, it also creates quite a bit of responsibility on my part, as it leaves the choice entirely up to me to determine who I will be, and what will come next in my life! 


                                                     lip art by Paige Thompson


Though I still haven't totally decided on where I want to spend the next few months/ year, I have realized, wherever I may be, what I want to do with them.

1. Write! Writing short stories, articles, and vignettes about my adventures. I have always loved writing- and sharing my experiences with others provides more encouragement to go out and explore more, which can only be a good thing...and leads to my next goal...

2. Explore! Constantly. Incessantly. In search of everything and nothing- and document it all...

3. Blog more! While constantly trying to find different outlets for creative expression, I often forget that I have one right here! Blogging more, actually sharing my writing, connecting more with the blogging community and meeting others with similar interests can only be a good thing.

But still the decision remains...
 Or, possibly...?

                                           photos: lonelyplanet.com

Though New York is definitely on my radar for the near future, I think I want to give it a year or so before heading out there. I'm not sure why...but lately I have been trying to go with my "gut feeling" which generally tends to lead me in the direction that fits best, and that seems to be the one I have about New York.


Sometimes in the midst of major decisions and confusing times, I tend to neglect my blog, finding myself waiting to post next when I am feeling  more "stable" or "level-headed", but during these times I fail to recognize how helpful blogging and reaching out to the online community can be concerning these choices. And really, it is not too often that I am truly feeling "stable," which means that in sticking with that particular mindset, I would be blogging even less than I am now!

And cutting down my blog to only happy-go-lucky less-than-personal posts only ends up detaching me from the support of others, providing a less-than-authentic version of what is really going on in my head and life at the current moment.

I think a lot of bloggers go through at least one moment of self doubt where they wonder self-consciously, "who really cares about what I have to say about my own life?" (as I have mentioned before, I have had several!) but over the past ten years of my life, (basically since teen-hood) I have come to realize that caring about whether others care or basically paying too much attention to what other people think never takes me to a productive, happy place. But still, even realizing this several times over, it is something that I need to constantly remind myself!

I have always found that in reading the blogs of others, I appreciate when people really express who they truly are, insecurities, anxieties, glittery-sparkly cute photos of happiness, glum complainyness and all- (even if I completely disagree with what they are saying!) and I want to make my own blog the type of blog that I would want to read as someone else!

So, in turning over a new leaf, welcome to the chaos that is my unfiltered thoughts and decisions! Consider this your warning, haha. And, as always, feel free to give me your honest opinion!

Xoxo,

Camille





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